Okay I have been kind of freaking out within the past few days. Primarily today. Mostly about the wedding and my lack of finances surrounding said wedding.
I have decided that money is the root of all stress. If I had more of it, I would probably worry about how to invest it, where to invest it, how my money was doing, etc. etc. As of right now, I am worrying about my lack of money and how I can pay for everything I need.
Perhaps need is the wrong word. Everything I would want/need to do because people expect me to. Such as flying home for a bridal shower and having lots of minutes on my cell phone.
To wrap this up, I still want to say that money is the root of all stress. We should go back to the bartering system! Although, as one friend pointed out, what would I barter? sigh.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Giving the Best
So, this time of the year is snacking season--there are lots of treats and goodies as well as a bagillion holiday parties to attend (my Confirmation party included a junk food buffet--yikes!). And then, of course, the new year rolls around and you realize how many of those yummy treats were oh so yucky for your little body. I know so many people make resolutions about losing weight in the new year. Similarly, so many brides make resolutions to lose x amount of pounds before the big day.
I have sort of fallen into the latter category. I'm not a skinny minnie and of course I want to look AMAZING for my big day. However, I've been thinking about why brides obsess about it so much (besides the obvious cultural influences). Why am I so panic struck that I'm going to be walking down the aisle in less than 5 months and I'm not a size 0?
I have come to my own conclusion: I think it's because we want to be our best and give our future spouse the best of us. I've noticed that I feel like I'm failing my fiance' in all areas of my life--not just my body. For instance, I realize how much of an emotional mess I am, how unorganized my room and house is, how sporadic my prayer and spiritual life is when I want it to be stellar, etc, etc. Not exercising is just another item to add to the list that's longer than Santa's. I want my life to be perfect before I incorporate my fiance's life into it! I want to give the person I love the best of who I am, not the second rate part.
Obviously, marriage and life are not about being perfect but about being real. I'm not 98 pounds. I am kind of a messy person and a type A personality to say the least. I worry too much and I'm very stubborn. That's real. I guess perhaps I need to come to grips with the real me more than my fiance' does. He finds all those things endearing while I find them revolting. The very real part of the whole dilemma is that I am giving my best because I am doing my best with what I have. Maybe it's not perfect but it's the best I've got for now.
I have sort of fallen into the latter category. I'm not a skinny minnie and of course I want to look AMAZING for my big day. However, I've been thinking about why brides obsess about it so much (besides the obvious cultural influences). Why am I so panic struck that I'm going to be walking down the aisle in less than 5 months and I'm not a size 0?
I have come to my own conclusion: I think it's because we want to be our best and give our future spouse the best of us. I've noticed that I feel like I'm failing my fiance' in all areas of my life--not just my body. For instance, I realize how much of an emotional mess I am, how unorganized my room and house is, how sporadic my prayer and spiritual life is when I want it to be stellar, etc, etc. Not exercising is just another item to add to the list that's longer than Santa's. I want my life to be perfect before I incorporate my fiance's life into it! I want to give the person I love the best of who I am, not the second rate part.
Obviously, marriage and life are not about being perfect but about being real. I'm not 98 pounds. I am kind of a messy person and a type A personality to say the least. I worry too much and I'm very stubborn. That's real. I guess perhaps I need to come to grips with the real me more than my fiance' does. He finds all those things endearing while I find them revolting. The very real part of the whole dilemma is that I am giving my best because I am doing my best with what I have. Maybe it's not perfect but it's the best I've got for now.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Feeling the Squeeze
The holidays are always stressful--full of the hustle and bustle of shopping for gifts, endless festivities and trying to spend time with loved ones. I know I am not the only one feeling the squeeze of this season. On top of all of those things, we are now scooting ever closer to the big day. I find myself getting more and more stressed out by the minute.
This week I realized why people run away and have some random judge or minister marry them. I have told my fiance' many times previously that we should elope. This week I wasn't really joking. I am tired of all the planning and I just want to be married already! I realize, writing this, that the last blog was sharing my excitement of savoring the anticipation over the next few months. Obviously, this is a moment of stomping my feet and saying "enough is enough!" It would be a relief to have it all over.
At the same time, I remind myself why I'm going through with it all. It is the building excitement of a day you've waited for so long. It is sharing that exceedingly special moment with those you love and those who have played an important part in your life. It's saying publicly that you will love someone forever! I am looking forward to that day and, during this time, I need to keep reminding myself why it's wonderful and not a chore.
This week I realized why people run away and have some random judge or minister marry them. I have told my fiance' many times previously that we should elope. This week I wasn't really joking. I am tired of all the planning and I just want to be married already! I realize, writing this, that the last blog was sharing my excitement of savoring the anticipation over the next few months. Obviously, this is a moment of stomping my feet and saying "enough is enough!" It would be a relief to have it all over.
At the same time, I remind myself why I'm going through with it all. It is the building excitement of a day you've waited for so long. It is sharing that exceedingly special moment with those you love and those who have played an important part in your life. It's saying publicly that you will love someone forever! I am looking forward to that day and, during this time, I need to keep reminding myself why it's wonderful and not a chore.
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